News this week that Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin's 17-year-old unmarried daughter is pregnant is opening up a debate I don't think anyone in this country really wants to have. Because the truth is sometimes kids do stupid things and dad's cant do a darn thing about it except try to clean up the mess.
On June 7 of this year, my youngest daughter graduated from high school at age 18. With all three of my girls completing high school without getting pregnant, without becoming addicted to anything or without ever having been arrested, I did a little jig that day in celebration that I had done my job. But, my success in meeting those goals was the result of a joint effort involving God, myself and my daughters.
Although I did my best to bring up the girls to make right decisions, they had to actively participate in that process by making those decisions when I was not around to step in and prevent them from doing something that would alter their lives forever.
I'll admit that when my children were young -- and even before I had children -- I would look at troubled teens and immediately blame the parents. My thinking has evolved over the years. There comes a point in every child's life where she can make her own decisions without consulting dad. The consequences of those decisions can be heartbreaking for fathers, but it is not necessarily his fault when his daughters get into trouble.
I have seen several children raised in solid Christian homes by committed, loving parents who invested all their time in coaching teams, attending concerts, driving their kids to lessons, ensuring homework gets done and being involved in their children's lives every day. Yet, the kids turn their back on their moral upbringing, they march in a different direction, they make their own decisions -- and must live with those consequences. The heart-broken parents can do nothing but wait for their prodigal child to return.
Bristol Palin in weeks away from turning 18 and a four months away from becoming a mother. I suspect that if she could turn the clock back five months, she may likely have made a different decision.
Some people will point to Bristol's plight as a sign of poor upbringing. They will call her a tart. They will call her promiscuous. They will blame her parents for not doing enough to prevent their daughter from becoming pregnant. They will blame her mother for not getting contraception for Bristol, and ensuring that she use it. They will blame her mother for being too devoted to her career and not devoted enough to her daughter.
Not only are such opinions wrong, they are demeaning to her parents and to women in general. In fact, I would argue her parents have done an excellent job in raising Bristol because, despite making one bad decision, she appears poised to make several correct ones as she deals with the consequences of that decision. Bristol chose life for her unborn child -- a testimony to her faith and to her upbringing that taught her to take responsibility for her actions, and not seek the easy way out to to pass the buck in a way that causes someone else to pay the price. After all, Bristol's mother knew before her youngest son was born that he had Down's Syndrome -- and she chose life, too. Bristol intends to marry her baby's father, thus providing legitimacy to her little family and ensuring that the child benefits from a relationship with its mother and father.
Yes, Bristol Palin is young and so is the baby's father. Yes, it would be nice if she could have waited a little longer to become a mom. And, yes, Bristol did make a bad decision in conceiving a child out of wedlock. But, after spending some time trying to get to know the Palin family tonight, I'm confident that Bristol can count on her parents' support in the months and years ahead.
Like all committed, loving fathers everywhere -- God is excellent at cleaning up messages and transforming a negative experience into a rewarding blessing.
Jeff Palin, Bristol's dad, is actually pretty lucky. His youngest son will be less than a year older than his oldest grandchild. That will keep him young and active for many years to come.