"Have you ever been so sad that you can't think?"
The words just screamed out from an e-mail I received from the 8-year-old daughter of a friend of mine.
Her parents are going through a nasty divorce -- complete with competing restraining orders, accusations and a flood of legal motions. They often rip into each other in front of her or certainly within earshot.
Their daughter is caught in the middle and she doesn't know why. All she knows is that she feels alone and abandoned as her family is shredded before her very eyes -- and there isn't a darn thing she can do about it. The two people in her world who make up her entire world are at war with each other. More than anything else, she wants to see a truce, or at least a cease fire. She wants to love and respect her mother and father, but finds it difficult when they trash talk about the other person.
The little girl, who is normally bright eyed and full of life, is screaming for reassurance that someone loves her, notices her, cares about her and will be there for her.
It was a great reminder of the duty all of us men have to the girls within our circle of influence. They need, want and desire -- and deserve -- positive male attention.
Years ago, when I was working at Big Brothers and Big Sisters, I read study after study that talked about the devastating effects of divorce upon children, especially girls. When the foundation of their world is shattered, they react by internalizing their pain or lashing out at the source. They will go so far as to destroy themselves to get back at their parents for the pain they brought to their life.
Everywhere we go, we run into little girls, older girls and teenagers -- each of which could benefit from a few words of encouragement and a hug from us. I'm not talking dates. I'm not talking gifts or long-walks alone. In fact, it's best if the attention is provided in public. No need in causing suspicion or opening ourselves up to charges of impropriety.
I'm talking about one or two minutes at least once a week. It could be at church, at your daughter's social events, at school or when the girls come over to the house to play. The more men who take an active interest in their lives and seek to provide them with a little positive affection, the better off they will be in the long run. They will grow up confident in themselves, their appearance and their abilities. I love asking young girls, "Has anyone told you today how beautiful you really are?" Or smart. Or creative. Or funny.
Chances are very good that nobody has told them that. I know I didn't tell my daughters every day how beautiful they were, how proud I was of them and how much I loved them unconditionally. But, thankfully, there were men in their lives that picked up my slack when I was too busy to notice.
There are countless boys and men who will provide the young ladies of our communities with attention for all the wrong reasons. The last thing we want is any girl to grow up so sad that she can't even think because someone will step in and do the thinking for her.
It's up to us to serve as the antidote to self-serving affection and put the genuine emotional needs of our daughters, our friends' daughters and our daughters' friends foremost in our lives.