The CRUDbuster Model 911

Caterpillar introduces the CRUDbuster Model 911 for dads who have had enough lip service when it comes to cleaning the house. Powered by a Caterpillar 36-hp diesel engine, the CRUDbuster can easily clear a 12-foot-by-12-foot room in minutes without scratching walls or floors. At 42-inches wide, it can navigate through hallways and even climb stairs with ease.

The hydraulic front scoop quickly collects and debris and deposits it into the hallway where it can be efficiently moved out of the house and to the curb. 

"I love my CRUDbuster 911,” said Steve Brinkston, of Hanover, Mass. “But, after only three or four uses, I can’t even turn it on without initiating a frenzy of activity throughout the entire house. I’ve never seen my daughters move so quickly to gather up their precious belongings before I could even get the unit out of the shed.”

Priced at $14,699, Caterpillar officials admit it may be a bit pricey for the average family. However, they noted, men can often recover the entire cost in six months by renting the device to neighbors.

Not only does the CRUDbuster clean the room, but it can dig a 15-foot hole in the back yard to safely deposit all the toxic waste uncovered in bedrooms, bathrooms and basements.

Caterpillar plans a limited production run of 100,000 units, but expects inventory to be depleted by Labor Day.

The CRUDbuster Model 911

Caterpillar introduces the CRUDbuster Model 911 for dads who have had enough lip service when it comes to cleaning the house. Powered by a Caterpillar 36-hp diesel engine, the CRUDbuster can easily clear a 12-foot-by-12-foot room in minutes without scratching walls or floors. At 42-inches wide, it can navigate through hallways and even climb stairs with ease.

The hydraulic front scoop quickly collects and debris and deposits it into the hallway where it can be efficiently moved out of the house and to the curb. 

"I love my CRUDbuster 911,” said Steve Brinkston, of Hanover, Mass. “But, after only three or four uses, I can’t even turn it on without initiating a frenzy of activity throughout the entire house. I’ve never seen my daughters move so quickly to gather up their precious belongings before I could even get the unit out of the shed.”

Priced at $14,699, Caterpillar officials admit it may be a bit pricey for the average family. However, they noted, men can often recover the entire cost in six months by renting the device to neighbors.

Not only does the CRUDbuster clean the room, but it can dig a 15-foot hole in the back yard to safely deposit all the toxic waste uncovered in bedrooms, bathrooms and basements.

Caterpillar plans a limited production run of 100,000 units, but expects inventory to be depleted by Labor Day.

The Bewitchometer

Like a trusted sentinel warning people of danger before it strikes, the Bewitchometer works around the clock constantly measuring estrogen levels in ambient air.

Should sudden increases be detected, the Bewitchometer sounds an alarm warning people nearby that females in the area are likely to “be witches.”

Features include:

• An attractive table top display doubles as an alarm clock
• Four adjustable settings: Pediatric PMS, Teenage Temper, Perpetual Pregnancy and Man-Eating Menopause
• Deluxe model can dial cell phone with prerecorded announcement alerting men to avoid the location before they actually arrive

Don’t endure another period of painful pandemonium! Order today!!

The Bewitchometer

Like a trusted sentinel warning people of danger before it strikes, the Bewitchometer works around the clock constantly measuring estrogen levels in ambient air.

Should sudden increases be detected, the Bewitchometer sounds an alarm warning people nearby that females in the area are likely to “be witches.”

Features include:

• An attractive table top display doubles as an alarm clock
• Four adjustable settings: Pediatric PMS, Teenage Temper, Perpetual Pregnancy and Man-Eating Menopause
• Deluxe model can dial cell phone with prerecorded announcement alerting men to avoid the location before they actually arrive

Don’t endure another period of painful pandemonium! Order today!!

Private Men's Sanctuary - version 4 (PMSx4)

The Private Men’s Sanctuary (version X4), is a concrete-reinforced underground bunker designed specifically for married men and fathers of teenage daughters.

As delightful daughters can be in their youth, when they enter adolescence, most men quickly realized they are in trouble. There were certain days every month where men literally take their lives in their own hands walking from the bedroom to the bathroom.

“The first time I encountered a radical mood swing in the hallway I was petrified,” said one DODO in Colorado. “The charming young lady I had kissed before bed eight hours earlier was possessed overnight by an alien life form. I remember saying ‘Good Morning,’ to someone in the hallway. The creature’s head turned 180-degrees, flames shot from its eyes and it spoke an unintelligible language before bursting into tears.

“I jumped back into my bedroom and locked the door, but the creature called reinforcements,” he added. “They ran away, but only after I slid three $20 bills under the door. Then, when I turned around, I saw my wife was possessed by the same life form while she slept. I dropped my wallet as I ran out of the room and that bought me enough time to escape to my car.”

The PMSx4 will comfortably accommodate four men and a dog for seven days. A hidden hatch is activated by a keychain button as men run out of their homes. As they jump into the bunker, the door hydraulically closes making it impossible for advancing hordes to penetrate.

Once inside, men can relax in a common area outfitted with overstuffed easy chairs, a 48-inch plasma television, satellite hookup, home theater system, DVD player and high-speed Internet access. This allows guys to remain connected to the outside world so they can work from the bunker, if necessary, or at least keep up with sports and stocks.

A separate pantry area contains two 25-cubic-foot side-by-side refrigerators, a barbecue grill, wet bar, pizza oven and deep fryer. The bedroom area features four king beds subdivided into separate soundproof sleeping areas each containing a 48-inch LCD color television. The two outside air vents are disguised as trash cans because, as everyone knows, nobody but a man would ever come near one.

Private Men's Sanctuary - version 4 (PMSx4)

The Private Men’s Sanctuary (version X4), is a concrete-reinforced underground bunker designed specifically for married men and fathers of teenage daughters.

As delightful daughters can be in their youth, when they enter adolescence, most men quickly realized they are in trouble. There were certain days every month where men literally take their lives in their own hands walking from the bedroom to the bathroom.

“The first time I encountered a radical mood swing in the hallway I was petrified,” said one DODO in Colorado. “The charming young lady I had kissed before bed eight hours earlier was possessed overnight by an alien life form. I remember saying ‘Good Morning,’ to someone in the hallway. The creature’s head turned 180-degrees, flames shot from its eyes and it spoke an unintelligible language before bursting into tears.

“I jumped back into my bedroom and locked the door, but the creature called reinforcements,” he added. “They ran away, but only after I slid three $20 bills under the door. Then, when I turned around, I saw my wife was possessed by the same life form while she slept. I dropped my wallet as I ran out of the room and that bought me enough time to escape to my car.”

The PMSx4 will comfortably accommodate four men and a dog for seven days. A hidden hatch is activated by a keychain button as men run out of their homes. As they jump into the bunker, the door hydraulically closes making it impossible for advancing hordes to penetrate.

Once inside, men can relax in a common area outfitted with overstuffed easy chairs, a 48-inch plasma television, satellite hookup, home theater system, DVD player and high-speed Internet access. This allows guys to remain connected to the outside world so they can work from the bunker, if necessary, or at least keep up with sports and stocks.

A separate pantry area contains two 25-cubic-foot side-by-side refrigerators, a barbecue grill, wet bar, pizza oven and deep fryer. The bedroom area features four king beds subdivided into separate soundproof sleeping areas each containing a 48-inch LCD color television. The two outside air vents are disguised as trash cans because, as everyone knows, nobody but a man would ever come near one.